Gamerz Reviewz » Arses

Ron Moore’s Abomination

Bobfish — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 10:18:15 +0000

Because gamers watch TV too.

Please be aware, this video does contain some harsh language, and some scenes which I found very disturbing

Disclaimer : The footage used in the above video is purely for the purposes of parody. No copyright infringement is intended

Pointless much?

Bobfish — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:18:23 +0000

I admit it, this is only very loosely even remotely related to video-games. But since it’s taking a wee longer to sort my next review than I anticipated, I had to post something. I don’t want y’all thinking I’ve just vanished again.

I’m still here, and will be posting reviews soon. I pwomise

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews

Bobfish — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 22:57:28 +0000

So, my new vid-card arrived and I was able to solve the PSU (Power Supply Unit) problem. That being that my current PSU is not capable of powering the new card. However, the Reaper recently purchased a new rig and found the Motherboard to be faulty, meaning he has a whole load of components doing bugger all. So, since he won’t need it immediately, I’m going to take his PSU and replace it at a future date once he sets his rig up fully. Same principal as a buy now pay later. And I am very, very grateful to him for it. I tip my hat to you good sir. Also, we now have a group of Fakebook, so please do come and follow us right here; and we will give you free cake.

Mm, cake

Still nothing

Bobfish — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 17:16:41 +0000

As yet, my new video card still has not arrived. If it is not here by the weekend then I’ll throw something else together to tie us over. But I’d really like to put a bit more into the PC section at the moment, hrrm, a two piper methinks. Can y’all guess what I’m planning for my next PC contribution? I’ll give you a hint “I’m British, you MUPPET!”

A short breath

Bobfish — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 11:21:26 +0000

This one is a pause, not an out and out stop.

I recently made purchase of a new graphics card which will push my current rig into the mythical realm of awesome beyond even the gaming powerhouse of the fabled ZX Spectrum. Because of this, I’m not playing any PC games at the moment. I’m waiting for the new card so that future gameplay videos will have a framerate above six. I suppose I could throw out a review for another platform (I’m sure you have noticed that the X-Box 360 has been rather prominent of late), but that would be too much like common sense. Besides, I have the PC itch at the moment. And it’s time to bolster that side of the website again. From there I’ll probably back round to the Wii, and maybe even, finally, something for the PSP. Until such time, hello true believers.

Here is some cake

Am I A.Wake?

Bobfish — Fri, 28 May 2010 08:10:55 +0000

WHEN WE FIRST started hearing about this game back in 2005 I was seriously stoked. The in game screenshots, which we were assured without any shadow of a doubt, were generated by the fully functioning, in game engine…they were breathtaking. Lush vegetation, crystal clear water, intense sunlight streaming in through the vibrant pine tree’s. And then it dropped off the face of the Earth for three years. Leaving us all gobsmacked and demanding, craving more.

Finally, an update arrived, and it was most decidedly not to our liking. The promised open world, entirely none linear aspect had been removed in favour of episodic plot progression. However, it still looked amazing, and considering that a lot of the open world games do tend to drag on a wee bit, the turn towards episodic play wasn’t really a major issue. Sure, it would have been nice to be able to just wander around the Bright Falls area at your leisure, but not so much that it really put a dent into our fervour for what was shaping up, and promised, to be possibly one of the best psychological thrillers in video gaming. Right up until the rumours were confirmed. Alan Wake was going to be X-Box only. And that’s about the point when the game died for all of us.

Suddenly the massive delay and the shift to linear gameplay made a lot more sense. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising the X-Box for what it is. I’m not particularly a fan of the console any more than I am of the Playstation 3 (I like the Wii so ner), but I’m not about to start the whole elitist argument back up again. The X-Box simply is not as powerful as a PC. That’s not an insult, it’s as true as saying a PC is more powerful than a pocket watch. It has it’s limitations, and as PC components continue to improve, each console falls slowly behind. It’s the nature of the industry. But each console has it’s strengths and weaknesses. And whilst all of them are capable of open world environments, none of them are capable of generating one so lush and detailed as Alan Wake was promising to be. No, that wasn’t the problem.

The problem became apparent as more information was released. Even a year before the game was finished, we were already “assured” that there would be downloadable expansions…yeah. And then came the actual footage. This beautiful, lush, vibrantly alive environment we had seen in early pictures and footage was replaced with a pretty bog standard mistfest. Yes, the use of colour is still powerful, and the streaming light has been done extremely well in some places, but the draw distance is down to about six inches, and during the night time sections (the majority of the game) everything is just drab and grey. Long story short, this game sucks. The plot is contrived and about as predictable as a brick to the face. The characters are wooden and lifeless (with the exception of Barry, he’s actually fairly well developed, and Sarah, though she still suffers from being uninteresting, at least she’s believably uninteresting) and the voice acting is horrendous. Hey, and don’t even get me started on the lip syncing, or rather complete lack thereof. Alan, when speaking, spends most of his time looking like a wasp is stinging the back of his eyeball with a pogo stick.

The original premise really sucked me in when I first heard about it. A writer visiting a small town and having odd dreams that were starting to affect reality around him. I’m a writer myself, as evidenced by this review, but not just that. I’ve written newsletters, poems, short stories and even a full length novel that I completed in April of this year. Writing is something I am extremely passionate about. A large part of who I am. I see things through the perspective of what they could be, rather than what they are. And I have had dreams so vivid, so real, that I am sometimes unsure if a conversation or event took place, or whether it was just a dream. I don’t know, perhaps I’m just crazy. Am I A.Wake? And yeah, about that. What happened to the whole dream idea? They keep saying there was the is he/isn’t he thing going on…but if it was, I sure as hell didn’t see it.

Gods! They turned the game into Alone in the bloody Dark, but made it boring. Frankly, Remedy dropped the ball with this one. I can’t think of any better way of describing it than, dude, this game sucks (I feel so much like Linkara right now, lolz). The animations are fairly fluid, I’ll give them that, but the bloody camera pissed me off something chronic. With a click of the right stick you can shift it from one shoulder to the other. Apart from when I actually wanted it. It kept trying to bludgeon me into having the camera on the left, which is fine apart from when there are a hoard of taken coming round a corner to my RIGHT. Why give us an option to change, if it doesn’t work? I, seriously, had it flick back for no reason no less than fifteen times in two minutes.

You know, I’m going to stop here, otherwise I’ll be at this for hours. I don’t like the game. It’s dull, it’s overly stylised (less time making me watch the hoard of enemies descending on me, more time letting me run the f**k away) and it seriously drags. Far from having a deep, engaging, thrilling exploration of the Human psyche, we had a slew of clichéd dialogue and overly dramatic action sequences. Though, admittedly, facing down an army of Taken on a fully functioning stage with Ozzy Osbourne crooning out Children of the Elder God was pretty damned awesome. And, actually, that’s one thing the game did do well. The ONLY thing it did well. The soundtrack is outstanding. Not just the track list, but the in game music as well. It set a very good atmosphere on its own and wasn’t gratuitous like most games these days.

Graphics: 8/10
Gameplay: 5/10
Audio/Music: 9/10
Plot/Scripting: 5/10
Overall: 4/10

Closing thoughts : Just save your money.

Pretentiousness: 9.5/10
Contrivance: 10/10
Self Indulgence: 13/10
Waste of money: 100%

Uhm…sorry

Bobfish — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:00:24 +0000

Welcome back true believers.

Yes, we have indeed been silent for quite some time. Far longer than any of our other gaps as well. But fear not, we have not forsaken you yet. A great deal has been happening in the real world of late. Jedireaper and myself are now living in the same abode. He gives me money and I let him use my spare room, MUWAH! But seriously. Due to personal reasons that I’m not going to cover here, he and I are now flatmates. This means that both of our games libraries have now increased significantly. We, in fact, have a few reviews lined up already.

Modern Warfare 2, Saw and Crysis to name but three. And remember that special project we were talking about way back when? Well, we haven’t forgotten about it. And that, too, will be seeing the light of day in the not too distant future.

Unfortunately, we also have some bad news. Sadly, Lissa is no longer with us. She and I had a parting of the ways. Which is a good thing as it transpires. Though it really sent my head South at the time. Thankfully, not as far as hers. She now believes herself to be a vampire, her new boyfriend is a demon, and she wanted to drink my four year old daughters blood. I shit you not, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Intense

More delays…

Bobfish — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:38:13 +0000

There have been a few things happening in the real world that have taken up most of my time recently. The most notable of them being a visit from my daughter and the purchase of a new PC. But fear not, I have also been busy thrashing the arse off a number of games in my spare time, and have developed a backlog of some of the more recent titles. I’ll be working through them, as well as some older games that I’ve prepared material for, over the next few weeks. By which point I should probably have some more of the newer titles ready to go as well.

Two reviews will be coming either tomorrow or Thursday. Resistance for the Playstation 3, and F.E.A.R 2 PC. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Eyes peeled peeps

A change of pace, a change of place

Bobfish — Thu, 07 May 2009 11:43:34 +0000

After much “hmming” and “guffawing” the paperwork for my new apartment is in the final stages of completion. Only a weekend and a first mo9nths rent stand between us and our movementness. Unfortunately, as most of you should be aware, moving also means time spent waiting for the nice internet man to come and set up the new equipment. So, alas, there will be another expanse of silence from myself whilst everything has time to settle back into place. I’ll do what I can to post at least one more review over the weekend and, hopefully, another at trhe beginning of next week, but it might be as long as a month after before I return. Though I can’t honestly see why it would take any more than a fortnight. Still, best to plan ahead and give a heads-up about these things.

However, this sojourn to the realms of the real world will give me some time to work on another project which the Reaper and I have been neglecting of late. Well, I’ve been neglecting it because my head has been inserted quite a significant distance into my posterior, but anyway, point is, I’m going to get my side of that done whilst I’m not distracted with other things. Until then, you can find part one of our…work here http://www.starwarsfanworks.com/jedilove.html

Enjoy.

And let this be a warning to you. This is what happens when you play Rainbow Six Vegas on the PSN for too many hours with people who are…not very good

Piffle

Bobfish — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:33:15 +0000

So I was supposed to be gracing you all with a few Wii titles this week. And, time permitting, my first X-Box review as well.

Then I plugged in my DVD encoder and found one, small, problem with that plan. The damn thing isn’t working. I can get sound, but no video. So this has put a wee bit of a kybosh on my plans. Fear not however, the reveiws will still come. But, alas, there shall be no videos and only stock photos for the time being. However, one a new encoder has found it’s way into my posession, I assure you all that I will be backtracking and fixing that.

Arses.